The Colonel's
Top Ten Rights of a Dominant




It was a cold day in the city of Cheyenne as I wrote this, thinkin' about screamer asking me what rights a Dominant has to their respective subbie.


First a couple of things (That's right disclaimer time):

#1 - This is strictly My opinion. If it offends you, don't get crabby with screamer. You can E-mail those kind of comments to me at Colonel@Get_Bent.com.

#2 - Dominance and submission is like religion - everyone has their own interpretation. You have formed, or are forming your own version, and this is Mine. It doesn't matter if it doesn't fit with your own personal tastes, you should always respect other peoples views, or at the very least look at them with an open mind. Live and let live - we are all a little whacko in our own way.

#3 - This is not meant to be gender-specific. I am a Man so, I write from a male point of view. Also this keeps Me off any Domme shit-lists

#4 - And finally, I am not Dominant from any "Macho-Male-Superior-Bullshit" It is my nature that makes me Dominant, nothing else. I am Not better than a submissive, nor am I inferior. I have my strengths and as do submissives, each in our own way. My strengths are also different from other Dominants, as are the requirements that I have for My submissive as opposed to those of another Dom/me.


With that outta the way, you are probubly (Yes, I do spell things funny) wondering just who in da hell is this "Colonel" guy?


Mostly, I'm a pervert (What? you were expecting RossPerot in a tutu?).

I'm a Dominant/Two-time-combat-vet/Black belt/Bull-dog-Philosopher/Wiccan/Bambi-eatin'/Skinny/Old/Smart-assed/Bow-legged/Classically-curved (Not-BENT screamer)/subbie-lovin'/Jack-of-all-trades kinda guy. Whew, say That three times fast!
I've been into D/s for a several years. It started out, as bein' asked to spank a girlfriend here, tie-up a girlfriend there, and I liked that it a LOT. Then I got on AOL and found a whole culture where I could really be my perverted little self. I began reading, learning and growing, but eventually those expensive Visa bills forced me onto the Internet for good.
So, in my humble (Yeah, me humble? not likely!) OPINION, here are what I believe are the "Top Ten Rights of a Dominant" (Pun intended) in no particular order of importance. They are all important.

1. A Dom/me has the right to absolute honesty from the submissive.

2. A Dom/me has the right to as much clear communication as the submissive can give.

3. A Dom/me has the right to be told All of the submissives' needs/desires.

4. A Dom/me has the right to be told the submissives' secret dreams.

5. A Dom/me has the right to be wrong, as long as it doesn't compromise the submissives' safety. (That's how we learn to get better)

6. A Dom/me has the right to safety as much as any subbie does.

7. A Dom/me has the right to experiment with ideas in a scene negotiation.

8. A Dom/me has the right to be silly.

9. A Dom/me has the right to call a safe-word.

10. A Dom/me has the right to Love the submissive for who they are, not who they wish to be for the Dom/me.

That's about it, if you have any questions then by all means E-mail screamer for the technical/safety/what the hell did he mean by that kinda stuff.

Last of all, are my own silly quotes (Yeah, copyrighted and stuff):
"An equivacation is a booger on the face of truth!"
"Validity has nothing to do with the truth."
"And the worse thing that can happen, is the answer to his prayers." O.k. I stole this one from a "Love and Money" C.D.
Copyright 1996 The Colonel

:: Sunday, June 22, 2003 ::

It's only pain...

i am not a masochist. People always seem surprised when i say that, as if being a slave is all or only about SM. The truth is, being a slave is only seldom about SM, and mostly is about a whole lot of other things.

But i do take a hell of a beating.

Confused? Join the crowd. Let me try to explain. For me, a masochist is someone who derives physical pleasure (usually sexual/erotic) from receiving pain. i don't. Oh, i like my sex a little rough as much as the next person -- maybe more than the average next person -- but do i get aroused or wet from a flogging or caning or paddling? No. Hence, my statement that i am not a masochist.

But i do take a hell of a beating.

If you read Master Jim's post below, you know that His SM work is important to Him. You'll just have to take me at my word when i tell you that when Master Jim engages in SM work, He works hard. His preferred means of working are heavy floggings and body punching on the back, shoulders and arms. For variety, He also utilizes temporary piercing and cutting. When He works, it hurts.

So why do i do it? Well, i could answer with the obvious -- i'm a slave, and i don't have the option of saying no. And that's true. But the deeper reason is this: taking pain from Him is service. It is an honor to be the vehicle through which He chooses to explore Himself and me. As Master Jim said, this is a part of our Master/slave journey.

When you aren't a masochist and you're required to take pain, fear looms large in your mind. You know those endorphins everyone talks about aren't really going to help you out all that much. A hard cock or wet pussy isn't going to distract you from the fact that someone is hitting you, hard. It's a scary place. i've found that if i let the fear take control, it hurts much more. So, i've looked for ways to control the fear... and one way that works for me is to recite a mantra. One that i often use goes like this:

i call on the spirits of the slaves before me to give me courage...
i call on the spirits of the slaves before me to give me strength...
i call on the spirits of the slaves before me to give me endurance...
i call on the spirits of the slaves before me to give me grace.

Over and over i say it, as the blows fall. In it, i find peace and the ability to serve.

Sometimes, i use this one:

The pain is only a reminder.
The pain does not own me.
The pain does not control me.
The pain is only a reminder.
Of His ownership and control.

That's what it's all about for me. The pain is not an end in itself, but rather is a means to an end. A reminder that Master Jim is my Master and Owner. That i have given up control, even the right to say no to things that hurt. And it is service, to Him.

Yes, i do take a hell of a beating.

my pleasure to serve, Sir.

--slave marsha
:: 12:31 PM [+] ::
(marsha has given permission to repost her writings but we encourage you to visit her web page at: http://edgeliving.blogspot.com/

Why are you a "master?"

by "Conrad" (as posted in an on line discussion group- used with permission).

I was recently asked the question: why do you call yourself a Master?

Now, in order to preserve my sterling reputation as an “unquestioned master”
(sort of like a “true master” - see discussion below) and put at ease anyone
with images of the question arising in some sort of confrontation, I ought
to be clear this was asked to me in a rhetorical setting. The question was
asked respectfully and was not intended to (and did not) occasion a defense
response. The question was not even bellicose enough to be called Socratic
in its approach. It was simply someone asking me my basic philosophy on
the question of what makes a master.

Given the seriousness and respect with which the question was asked, I chose
to not go with the answer that popped right into my head: “because my slave
says so.” This is not to say that the answer is not that simple, it is. But
rather that it is so counter-intuitive that (combined with its brevity) it
looks like I am being flip and not taking the question seriously

What kind of “true master” would say he or she is a master simply because
someone else, let alone a "lowly slave," says so? (Incidentally, in my not
entirely humble opinion, any master who really thinks of their slave as
“lowly” ought to get their head examined; but that is the subject for a
different discussion (and indeed, a big part of the subject of the
“Warrior/slave Paradigm” presentation I offer with my not-so-lowly slave
Cat.)

Anyway, as is my habit, I have digressed. Before we go too much further I
think it might be helpful to talk about a few terms we toss about in the
lifestyle.

There is a practice among the kink community of grouping tops, dominants and
masters all into the same group simply at different points in a "dominance
continuum." And likewise grouping all bottoms, submissives and slaves into
one general “submissive continuum.” In this view, bottoms are merely viewed
as “less submissive submissives” and slaves as “more submissive
submissives.” Likewise, tops are thought of as “less dominant dominants” or
in some other way not choosing to exercise as much dominance over others and
a master is thought of as some sort of “uber dominant” or, at least, in some
way a dominant who chooses to exercise a larger amount of dominance over
others.

This idea of a master as a “really dominanting dominant” is fostered on the
one hand by some of the other definitions of the words “master” out there
which denote some higher level of skill or competence (e.g. a master
carpenter). On the other hand the idea of the master as “uber dominant” is
further strengthened by models taken from science fiction and crappy
Internet stories where a “true master” is some sort of special creature of
power that all true submissives feel drawn to kneel before.
By this point I suspect my disagreement with this model is clear to most
readers.

Topping and bottoming is what we do. It is the physical act. While we
often (erroneously) seem to believe that “topping” someone else implies some
form of dominance over them, that just ain’t so. There is not a single
non-insertable SM tool type I own or use on bottoms in play scenes that I
have not had used on me before using it on another; that includes canes,
single tails, oils and ointments with irritants and heating agents, ropes
and pretty much anything you can think of. I cannot honestly say I enjoyed
any of them. I cannot even honestly say I entered that mythic and magic
realm of “subspace.” But I can say that as a responsible top I had
everything I use on others used on me enough so I am familiar with their
effect from both sides of the tool.

That means I have bottomed. It means I have engaged in a physical act,
nothing more, nothing less.

Yet I do not choose to define myself by this physical act, I do not choose
call myself a top or a bottom beyond the purely descriptive use of the term
to describe an immediate and transitory status.

As an example, lots of people run recreationally. Some of them have decided
to self-identify as a “runner” or a “jogger.” Nothing wrong with that, just
like there is nothing wrong with a motorcycle rider calling themselves a
“rider” or someone who flies planes calling themselves a "pilot."

Me, I might describe myself as a “top” within the context of a scene. Just
like I might be called a “rider” when planning a motorcycle run or a
“judoka” when at a judo tournament. Yet in a global sense, I choose to not
define myself by a transitory act in which I sometimes engage.


Dominance, like submission, strikes me as a reactive state. It goes up or
down depending upon a host of contextual factors. There are certain
situations which tend to draw dominance from us and certain people and
certain memories and even, I am sure, phases of the moon. Sometimes we are
less dominant, sometimes more. Same goes for submission.

Now, no offense intended here, but anyone who thinks they are always
dominant, all the time, in all situations, with all other people, is a
complete idiot. Ah, actually, go ahead and be offended if you choose. If
you are offended it is probably because you are one of the idiots I am
talking about. As this kind of idiocy (someone saying they are always
dominant) usually goes hand in hand with the idiocy of thinking they need to
act like a jerk to be dominant, I cannot say I care too much if that sort of
idiot is offended.

I deal with more than my fair share of hard cases in my professional career.
Many of these folks have already been to prison. What I can say is that
without fail, no matter how (in a vanilla sense) dominant these hard cases
thought they were before getting to prison, within seconds of getting there
they learned that there are certain situations which tend to place one’s
dominance on a low ebb.

What I hear when someone labels themselves as a “dominant,” is that they are
saying they are dominant with most of the people (in the lifestyle), most of
the time, in most situations (or at least they want others to think that of
them).


Now one can define themselves globally by a feeling. I know people who
describe themselves as “a happy person” for example. I also know seven
vertically challenged communally residing miners who have went so far as to
name themselves after emotional states. If someone wants to globally define
themselves by a passing emotion, more power to them. Me, I no more want to
self-identify as “Grumpy Dwarf” or “Bashful Dwarf” than I want to
self-identify myself as “Dominant Dwarf” or even “a dominant.”

So what is a “master?” What defines a master if it is not being a "top" and
not being a "dominant?" First let’s dispense with the “true master” or “real
master” crap. There is no such animal. I am not a big fan of Plato’s
idealized Forms; I do not believe there is some “essence of pure master”
floating around out there. Further, notwithstanding, the fact I own and
have read every one of John Lange’s books (something I do not often admit
actually) , I do not adhere to any “Gorean” philosophy that all one needs to
do to be a master is proclaim oneself a master and start acting bossy.

What I believe is that mastery is a life’s path, a calling, and a sacred
obligation. I also believe it is a job title. It is a job whose duties and
responsibilities are predicated upon a relationship, that of master to their
slave. It is unique and individualistic.

That is the reason I answered the question “why do I call myself a master?”
with “because my slave says so.” At root the Master/slave dynamic is
idiosyncratic, individualistic and relationship dependent. I do not fit
into some mold of “true master” or “real master.” Instead my job of master
is defined by the consensual and mutually agreed upon relationship I have
with my owned property.

In thinking about it, perhaps a better answer to “why do I call myself a
master” is “I don’t.”
I consider myself a strong, capable, powerful man who is called to mastery,
at least philosophically, I am most often a top (except when learning a new
skill), most often dominant with others and a master to my slave, but I do
not consider myself globally a master.

This is not to say that someone called to the path of mastery, someone who
is well suited to be a master, ought not to be recognized for those traits
and that calling. I believe mastery is a life's path which one pursues
whether one is in a current Master/slave relationship or not. However, I do
not consider myself a "Master" in isolation from my role as master of my
slave.

In my view this is not some sort of sex game or roleplay: a slave is truly
owned by a master. That ownership, that control, is achieved not through the
force of law or religious or social pressures but through the ability to
guide, lead and inspire loyalty in the owned slave. That requires a deep
personal knowledge and connection which makes this sort of relationship the
most deeply personal and intimate which exists in the modern western world.

As my mastery of a particular slave depends not upon the force of outside
coercion but instead upon inner persuasion and emotional compulsion, the
"realness" of that mastery is relationship dependent. Thus, while I can I am
"called to the path of mastery" or feel I must seek out a Master/slave life,
I do not feel I ought to describe myself globally as "a master." Indeed,
describing oneself globally as “a master” seems to me to miss the entire
point to a long term, explicitly structured, power exchange relationship
(i.e. M/s relationships)..

Contact Conrad at: mconlv@hotmail.com

"Part of the problem is the double meaning to the word slave in our lifestyle One meaning comes from folks who, in my opinion, spend way too much time reading porn and John Norman. Their concept of a slave is someone who is so lacking in willpower and a sense of self-worth as to be unable to say no. Someone whose service revolves around and is defined by sex. These folks think of a slave as simply "a submissive" who is "extra submissive" and is able to be submissive more deeply and more often. In this meaning, the term slave is pretty much a component of a long term verbal humiliation scene If that definition works for you, more power to you. It doesn't work for me The other meaning is someone who chooses a path of service and voluntary surrender to another's will. The use of the term slave, while still pushing sexual buttons, is more about signifying a voluntary abrogation of self, sublimating one's own ego in selfless service to another. It is an honorable path, and one which takes some real character and strength of soul. And not everyone who walks that path is inherantly submissive, I know many slaves who tend to have some real dominant elements to their personalities. You need to have clearly in your head what you mean by "slave" before expounding at length upon what it takes to be a slave or what a slave's needs are. I have heard many a bottom say, "I am a slave, so do what you want to me sexually" while at the same time, having no desire, skill or willingness to serve in other areas. That ain't a slave as I use the term Anyway, in terms of needs, I am going to be a bit over the top right now. Sorry if I end up insulting anyone Everyone has needs, only an idiot would try to deny that Even slaves are human first (a saying shamelessly swiped from Darkmoon's amy, who recently said that at a MAsT meeting All humans have needs Maslow (a well known psychologist) developed a principle called a hierarchy of needs wherein he postulated that in order for higher level needs to be met, all lower level needs must first be met. The lowest level of needs are pure physical needs like air, water, food sleep. Until these physical needs are met, nobody can worry about anything else for long. The second level of needs revolve around a need for security. My girl can not move on to the next level of needs until she knows she is safe, whether that be safe from me kicking her out on the street without reason or cause, or making sure her medical needs are met. Now faith in me, or me moving property into her name in the event I croak can meet the that same need differently, but one way or the other it needs to be met Next up the ladder are needs related to interactions with others such as a need for love, group membership or friendship. Then come internalized needs related to esteem. Then come the highest level of needs, related to self-actualization, things like meaning and truth. Every human being has these needs and, while few achieve a state of self-actualization, it should be every human being's goal. More to the point, it should be the goal of every master to steward and nurture his property so as to help them reach such a place Any master who ignores a slave's needs or denies that a slave has needs is either an idiot or, more likely, selfishly concerned about themselves rather than their slave."
Conrad, Southwest Master 2006

"I am a submissive woman. I find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive to another in a loving relationship. I am not weak, or stupid. I am a strong woman, with firm views and a clear concept of what I want out of my life. I do not serve out of shame or weakness, but out of pride and strength.

I look to my loving Master for guidance and protection, for never am I more complete than when he is with me. I know that he will protect my body, my mind, and my soul with his strength and wisdom. He is everything to me, as I am everything to him. His touch awakens me and his thoughts free me. Only in serving him do I find complete freedom and joy.

His punishments are harsh, but I accept them thankfully, knowing that he has my bests interests always foremost in his mind. If he desires my body for pleasure, I shall joyfully give it to him, and take pleasure myself from knowing that I have brought him happiness.

However, the pleasure of the flesh is but one facet of any relationship. The love, the trust and sharing, the words spoken and felt, those are all parts of this relationship.

My body is his, and if he says I am beautiful, then I am. No matter what I look like to others, I am beautiful in his eyes, and because of that I hold my head high...for who can tell me that my Master is wrong in seeing the beauty in me? If he says I am his princess, then I am that...regal and graceful, and if I see laughter at me in the eyes of others, I do not recognize it, for who are they to call my Master wrong? If he says I am his toy, his slut, his tramp, then I am that...as wanton and dirty as he wants me to be, and if others do not see this, then it is they who are blind, not my Master.

My mind is his, to expand, to explore, to know as only he can. I have no secrets from him...for secrets are a thing that would keep me from being more perfectly his. Secrets would put a wall up between my Master and myself...and I do not want walls. His lessons are not always ones I would seek on my own, but they are lessons he has decided I need, and so I learn from him.

My soul is his, as bare to his touch as ever my skin could be when I kneel naked at his feet. Never a moment goes by when I do not feel his presence, be he miles away or standing over me. If I were to ever displease him, his displeasure would be a blow to my soul, worse punishment than any lashes could be. The anguish of my soul that I feel when I disappoint him is harder to bear than the physical anguish I feel when his belt caresses me with fire.

I spend my days knowing that the energy and thought he puts into our relationship is as much for my benefit as for his, and look forward to each lovingly crafted scene that we do together. His part is much harder than mine, and I know this and am grateful that he cares enough about me to spend his time and energy so freely on me. I have the easier job: to feel, to experience, to let myself go and abandon everything to him. I am his pleasure and his responsibility, and he
takes both seriously.

I am a submissive woman. I am proud to call myself that. My submission is a gift that I do not give lightly, and can only be given to one who can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold.
Only to he who has that strength will I give myself fully, because I am strong and proud. I am a submissive woman."

thonggirl269