Meeting needs

Maslow and The Dominant by Ben, N.C.Master Abraham Maslow developed what he called the hierarchy of needs. These levels of basic needs illustrate how a person is able to grow into a self aware, self assured individual that can succeed in life. As I read the list of basic needs, it occurs to me that the good dominant provides the submissive with the ability and opportunities to meet these needs and become a more successful person. I want to take each level of needs and analyze and apply to the relationship between a dominant and submissive. (Physiological Needs These are biological needs. They consist of needs for oxygen, food, water, and a relatively constant body temperature. They are the strongest needs because if a person were deprived of all needs, the physiological ones would come first in the person's search for satisfaction.) The dominant should place as the first priority the physiological needs of the submissive. These would also include the need for food, housing and clothing. He/She should be able to provide these basic needs because without these, there can be no service or submission. These are needed for life. To me this states that the dominant must be responsible about finances, that what ever financial resources are available, they are used wisely in such a way as to meet these basic needs. The dominant can’t squander money when it is not available in adequate amounts to provide for food and shelter. In other words, the dominant should not buy a new $200 flogger when there is no food in the house or money for the electric bill. (Safety Needs When all physiological needs are satisfied and are no longer controlling thoughts and behaviors, the needs for security can become active. Adults have little awareness of their security needs except in times of emergency or periods of disorganization in the social structure (such as widespread rioting). Children often display the signs of insecurity and the need to be safe.) The submissive cannot submit freely and completely if they do not feel safe. If the dominant is not trusted to not harm the submissive, either physically or emotionally, the submissive will never completely surrender. The need for self preservation is stronger than the desire to submit. The ever present fear of harm is foremost in the mind of the submissive and displaces the desire to submit. The dominant should be trustworthy and reliable. It is the responsibility of the dominant to give the submissive a sense of well being and security. (Needs of Love, Affection and Belongingness When the needs for safety and for physiological well-being are satisfied, the next class of needs for love, affection and belongingness can emerge. Maslow states that people seek to overcome feelings of loneliness and alienation. This involves both giving and receiving love, affection and the sense of belonging.) The submissive has a great need to feel loved and wanted. I have often heard submissives relate their perceived value with the amount of time their dominant gives to them. The need to submit and serve is very strong and unless they feel that submission is valued and appreciated, they feel inadequate and unwanted. The dominant should ensure that the submissive knows and understands their value to the dominant. The submissive should know that their dominant will always “be there for them”, that they do not have to face things alone. (Needs for Esteem When the first three classes of needs are satisfied, the needs for esteem can become dominant. These involve needs for both self-esteem and for the esteem a person gets from others. Humans have a need for a stable, firmly based, high level of self-respect, and respect from others. When these needs are satisfied, the person feels self-confident and valuable as a person in the world. When these needs are frustrated, the person feels inferior, weak, helpless and worthless.) Much is said about the respect given to a dominant, we should also understand that submissives deserve respect as well. This respect should not only be in the form of respect from the dominant, but the dominant should also ensure that others of the community show respect to the submissive as well. The submissive needs to have a high level of self-esteem and know they are worthy of respect. This level of self-esteem gives the submissive a greater ability to serve at a higher level and be more successful in all areas of life. This in turn, brings a higher level of service to the dominant. (Needs for Self-Actualization When all of the foregoing needs are satisfied, then and only then are the needs for self-actualization activated. Maslow describes self-actualization as a person's need to be and do that which the person was "born to do." "A musician must make music, an artist must paint, and a poet must write." These needs make themselves felt in signs of restlessness. The person feels on edge, tense, lacking something, in short, restless. If a person is hungry, unsafe, not loved or accepted, or lacking self-esteem, it is very easy to know what the person is restless about. It is not always clear what a person wants when there is a need for self-actualization.) The dominant should understand that only by providing all of the previous needs can the submissive excel in this area. Most submissives would probably agree that they were meant to be a submissive and crave the opportunity to serve in this manner. It is the responsibility of the dominant, once the previous needs are met, to provide opportunities for the submissive to serve at the highest level possible. The submissive’s self-actualization grows and excels when they are given the opportunity to show the world as well as their dominant all they can do. The dominant should realize that the greatest submission is for the submissive to be very successful and use that success in the service of their dominant. Submissives are human and have all the needs that humans possess. The good dominant recognizes this and takes the responsibilities to ensure that the submissive reaches the level of self-actualization. Anything less than this is the failure of the dominant, not the submissive. ~~~ Ben is a Leather Lifestyle Dominant married to his slave/wife, and been active in the lifestyle for over 20 years. They are very active in the local and regional BDSM community, host several groups in their home, and do demos and presentations throughout the southeast on BDSM and M/s D/s Relationships. He is a former Board Member of Capex.