Acid Test

The "Acid Tests" guide for potential Dominants

(c)DrSpankenstein

*Introduction*

The term 'Acid Test' is an old prospecting term.. A powerful acid can dissolve most base metals in a matter of minutes. However, gold will stand up to most acids. So the 'Acid Test' was an easy way for people to make sure they had a real nugget of gold and not a lump of the 'fool's' variety. In the same way, these tests are meant to be quick ways to identify fake Dom's.
Passing all these tests is no guarantee either, there is no replacement for getting to know your prospective partner as well as possible BEFORE YOU EVEN MEET IN PERSON.

Now most of these tests are designed in mind for a submissive female trying to sort through men claiming to be Dom's online. They are largely based on the many questions I get asked by my female friends still searching for a Dominant partner. Some of them can probably be used by male subs as well, but for the most part, these tests are best for ferreting out male fakes. Vanilla males are usually after 'easy sex' and this motive makes them easier to identify than a lot of the fake Domme's out there.

*Step One: Do the Math*

Various estimates and surveys have placed the ratio of true (i.e. natural) male sexual Dominants to female sexual submissive's at about one to ten. However, a quick count in any given BDSM oriented chat room would lead you to believe that male Dom's outnumber the subs at about two to one. Now if there is actually only one male Dom for every ten female subs, that means
that 19 out of the 20 "Doms" you see online HAVE TO BE FAKES. Keep this in mind. There is a 95% chance that any man you talk to online claiming to be a Dom is no such thing. This leads us to our first rule, a rule that all statisticians and scientists already know by heart: "When in doubt, throw it out!"

Your search for a suitable Dominant partner (especially if you are seeking a serious long term relationship as well) could easily take years. That's hardly su rprising, most people spend years looking for that special lover, be they 'vanilla' or otherwise. So don't be disheartened by all these drastic ratios. BUT DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME either. If any of the prospects you are chatting with online makes you feel uncomfortable for any reason, drop him. Don't give him 'three strikes' or 'extra chances to win.' Block out his screen-name and move on. There was only a one in twenty chance he was legitimate anyway. Trust your instincts!

*Step Two: Know Your Enemy *

We call them Snerts. We call them HNG's (Horny Net Geeks). We call them Wannabes. We call them Control Freaks. And sometimes, tragically, we even find some that can only be called rapists and predators. They are all your ENEMY. Don't bother thinking they are anything less. Even a more or less well meaning Snert can land you in a hospital. Sexual Dominance and
submission is not for dilettantes or amateurs: Not, no, and never! Even if he turns out to be a more or less nice guy, if he's not a Dom, he's not going to give you what you really need, and he will likely give you many things you don't (like medical bills and other assorted headaches).

Snerts are basically looking for easy sex. They are counting on the (highly inaccurate) assumption that sexual submissive's are simply 'easy lays.' Nothing could be farther from the truth, but that doesn't deter them at all. They are typically middle aged to somewhat older men. They are often married. They are usually trying to bolster their flagging vanilla sex lives
with some casual screwing around. They target submissive's because they think that they won't make demands on their sexual prowess (another bad assumption). They can be easily spotted because they almost always demand or at least emphasize sexual intercourse being a part of their 'scenes.'

HNG's are usually the most harmless (and yet often the most annoying) of the enemy types. Most are teenagers and young men looking for some quick cyber-sex or even phone-sex. They are usually pretty sophisticated about their BDSM jargon and the 'scenes' they describe to you can be pretty elaborate. Geeks do their homework. They scour the porno sites for ideas, and hang out in BDSM chats for hours on end learning the 'lingo.' The are most easily spotted because they want to move on to cyber-sex and phone sex very quickly. They like to offer online collars, and spend hours on end in chat rooms 'playing' with their 'subbies.' Don't waste your time with them.

The second most dangerous type of enemy is the Control Freak. Control freaks are what most psychologists and therapists call 'controlling personalities.' They are the type of person that wants to be in control of everything around them. They want all their family and friends to behave exactly as they say.
They are extremely manipulative people. These men can be dangerous because many really have convinced themselves that they are Dominants as a way to justif y their dysfunctional lives. Many inexperienced submissive's find themselves 'naturally' attracted to these men because outwardly they seem so 'in command' of things all the time. The truly ironic (and sad) thing is, a
controlling personality is actually the closest thing to the OPPOSITE of a sexual Dominant.

Controls Freaks can be spotted because they often talk about 'taking care of you' and also 'knowing what's best for you.' They almost always try to play on your emotions; especially guilt. They also usually criticize and even resent the advice you get from other people. They often talk about 24/7 D/s relationships without going into any details about what kind of actual scenes they play. They are fond of telling you that they prefer the 'mental aspect' of Domination and submission. They tend to be both demanding and argumentative. Nothing you do will ever be 'quite right.' While all this may seem very repulsive and easy to avoid, be on your guard, the average control f reak often seems very charming initially. Once they have their 'hooks' into you its very hard to get untangled.

The last and most dangerous type of enemy is the rapist or predator. These are the men most likely to damage or even end your life. The truly frightening thing about these evil men it that there is NO easy way to spot them. Rapists can be anything from bums to bank mangers, and anyone from family members to total strangers. One in four women has suffered an attack
from this vile creature, and one in seven men as well! There motive is violence. The best defense is never make yourself too vulnerable.

To defend yourself from predators, learn all the ins and outs of setting up a good Safety Net. Follow these procedures religiously. Most important of all TAKE YOUR TIME getting to know your prospective play partners. This is good advice in any case.. If you know your partner well, you're more likely to have a good time with him (because you will feel more comfortable during
that first scene). Predators are more likely to move on in search of easy prey, they do tend to be impulsive. If a 'dom' you have been talking too suddenly seems to loose interest in you after a period of time, you may have just saved your own life. Don't go chasing after anybody. A true Dom doesn't need to play 'hard to get.'

*Step 3: Know your goal! *

Take the time to figure out what you want. It's often hard for newbie subs to do this because sometimes they lack knowledge of what choices are available to them. SO ARM YOURSELF WITH KNOWLEDGE! There are many fine publications, books, and internet websites that cater to sexual submissives. So start reading! Learn about the different types of play and how they should be conducted. Learn everything you can about how to set up a Safety Net. Learn all the do's and don'ts of meeting others and playing safely.. Decide what your Limits are and set them down on paper. This may seem like a lot of homework to do in the name of fun, but also keep
in mind that that it's YOUR ass that's (literally) on the line here.

Know what a real Dom acts like. Remember, you are probably a sexual submissive because you ARE in control the rest of the time. You are strong! Likely even ambitious as well. You have a career, or goals, or a lifestyle that demands this high level of energy and control. So giving away your control is a beautiful respite from everyday life. Your power and energy are things you only want to give to someone you trust, and in intimate situations at that. It's a very personal thing to you!

Well guess what, sexual Dominants are usually the compliment of this. We are strong people too, and we do tend to be intelligent. We are often highly trained professionals or skilled craftsmen. However, we tend to avoid lifestyles and careers that demand we be in control all t he time. We tend to be easygoing. I have never in my life met, or even heard of, an uptight sexual Dominant. We like being in control in INTIMATE situations. It's a respite from the way we live OUR everyday lives. We are not really the opposite of you, but we are the 'puzzle piece' that fits next to you snugly. In another words, don't look for a Dom that's exactly like you. You won't
find him. Don't look for a Dom that wants to run your whole life; he doesn't exist.

ABOVE ALL, if you're prospective Dom seems like a generally 'nice guy' you're likely on the right track! Take the time to get to know him. Don't let the five control freaks on the other side of the chat room demand your attention. A natural Dom isn't likely to make demands until its time to
play.

*Step 4: Memorize the Acid Tests! *

Test #1: When in doubt, throw it out! Don't waste your time with people that make you feel uncomfortable. Even if the guy was a real Dom, if his personality makes you feel uncomfortable, he's not going to be fun to play with.

Test #2: "You'd better call me Sir!" is the mating call of a HNG or control freak. Real Dom's don't have to ask for titles, we EARN them. Most real Dom's will say things like "please, call me Mike…"

Test #3: "I want you to take my collar before you play with me." This is another common demand of fakes, most often made by control freaks. They have to isolate you from other people and their advice, and sometimes a little ole "cyber-collar" is just the thing! Cyber-collars are worth less than the leather required to make one.

Test #4: If you get an Instant Message that says something like "On your knees you [slave, slut, bitch, whore, etc.]" This is the mating call of the HNG. Use some common sense here. Why waste time with somebody that's not even polite? There's a time and a place for these endearing terms, and it isn't online!

Test #5: "I don't have to answer that question!" or "It's not proper etiquette for you to ask a Master that." are examples of some the dangerous LIES that control freaks and snerts use. This is the Acid test I personally think is the most important! A Dom had better be ready to at least TRY and answer every question you have, and HONESTLY at that! It's literally your ass that's on the line! Never forget this!

Test #6: "Its my way or the highway!" or words to that effect, are the mating cry of the common control freak. Dom's can have Limits too, but its your Limits that count FIRST. Don't let any would-be 'dom' tell you differently. Don't let any of the wannabe subs tell you differently either.
Where Male Dom/Fem sub play is concerned, it's ALWAYS LADY'S CHOICE!

Test #7: Don't bother with online collars. Don't make decisions about a prospective partner based on his online play style. It's a very simple test if you think about it: would a real life Dominant waste time on cyber sex? Please take my word for it; the answer is NO. Forget it, once you've done the real thing, cyber is just too damn dull.

Test #8: Ask your prospect if he's ever made any mistakes during a scene. If he says 'no,' run for your life! If he says, 'very rarely,' at least be suspicious. Everyone makes mistakes, even if they are experienced players. Sometimes submissives have Limits they don't even know about, and even the most careful and skilled Dom the world will trip over these occasionally. Remember, according to our good friends of the Christian faith, the last perfect guy to walk this planet got nailed to a tree for his trouble. So expect competence, but not miracles.

Test #9: "I'm a bank president, captain of industry, combat photographer, self-made millionaire… yadda yadda yadda.]" Wouldn't it be nice to meet a rich Dom too? Sure it would! But use some common sense too. How many captains of industry have hours to spend in an AOL chat room? Also, thinkabout this personality profile; if this super successful, always-in-control
person is really into D/s, he's likely a submissive! Worse yet, it could very likely mean he is a control freak. I have met a lot of female submissives that fit this ambitious profile, but not one Dom yet!

Test #10: "I'm 33 years old, and I've been a Master for 15 years." Gimme a break! What are the odds? When you ask about a Dom's level of experience (and its a good idea to do so) remember to do the math as well. 18 year old boys don't care about the intricacies of D/s; they want to get laid. Trust me on this one Ladies, I was an 18 year old boy once! I personally believe that people do become what they are (be it gay, straight, Dom or sub) very early in life, but it takes maturity and training to be a Master. What are the odds a person became a Master when they were still using Clearasil?

Test #11: Ask for references! Especially if he claims to be 'very experienced.' Talk to the references ON THE PHONE. Lots of HNG's have female screen-names set up to act as 'references' for them! I notice that a lot of newbies seem to have trouble with this concept.. Which is understandable since in the vanilla world it's considered rude to talk to a guy's ex-girlfriend. But in the BDSM Scene its the opposite, experienced players will accept and accommodate this kind of request gladly.

Test #12: "I have three real life collared slaves right now, but you can't talk to them." Okay, when you consider the ratio and all, this sounds possible. What makes this an acid test failed (and failed miserably at that) is the last part. I have met couples (and even triples) that really were looking for an extra person to add to the mix. This is not uncommon at all in the Scene. But these couples were looking TOGETHER. If a 'dom' has anyone already collared to them, you probably ought to talk to her FIRST!

Test #13: "I don't need safe words." Well of course he doesn't! If he said this he's likely a snert and therefore he's never really bee n in a scene! Of course he might be a predator too, and then he wouldn't need safewords either. Need I say more?

Test #14: "My slaves trust me to set their Limits for them." If you hear a "dom" say this it's most likely because these slaves only exist in his mind. Or worse still, his 'slave' is simply the victim of spouse abuse. Even so called TPE (Total Power Exchange) and other sorts of 24/7 (i.e. full time) BDSM relationships should involve careful and thorough negotiation.

Test #15: "I'm Married, my wife can't know about us" If I have to explain this one too you, you've got problems. I have played with many married submissive's in my time, but ONLY with the express permission (and more often than not, participation) of their husbands. Safe BDSM requires complete honesty. You can't build a good Scene on lies. There are plenty of people that will be willing to tell you differently; but please note, they will all turn out to be adulterers (and hence, liars) themselves.

Test #16: Insert your own Acid Test here. You will learn much from your mistakes and missteps. If you form an online contact with a "Dom" that falls through, analyze WHY it fell through. Don't make the same mistakes twice if you can help it.

*Step 5: It's not just the men you have to screen! *

Finding some female submissives to be buddies with you on your quest is a very good idea. Especially if they are experienced players; they can give you unique perspectives, emotional support, and even references to legitimate Dom's to play with. They can also, most importantly, provide a Safety Net for you during those first meetings with the men you meet. The benefits of teaming up with other women in your search should be obvious! However, be just as cautious about what you hear from other women online as well. If you are so inclined to search for a Domme for instance, the Acid tests should apply just as well. Be very cautious about the women you meet online that claim to be submissives as well. There are a great number of female HNG's who live their BDSM lifestyle in the vacuum of cyber-space. Their advice and experiences are not only useless in the real world, they can be dangerous. Another class of "female enemy" is even more tragic and dangerous; the Victim.

A Victim is just that; a victim of physical and/or mental abuse that uses BDSM as an excuse to continue denying the reality of her tragic situation. These people are disturbingly common as well. They are dangerous to you too! These women are not just full of very dangerous advice, but they are usually very vehement about telling you that their lifestyle is the only "real
BDSM." They can fill your head full of doubts faster than one of the male enemy types.
Spare little sympathy, tell them to get help, and stay the heck away from them (in exactly this order). It may seem mercenary, but it is in fact the right thing to do. This is my training as a CASA (Citizens Against Spouse Abuse) volunteer talking. An abuse victim can only save herself, and then only when she is ready to do so. If you let her vent her frustrations and fears on you, she will then go back to her familiar little hell, leaving you emotionally drained and likely scared too. Your quest for safe play partners is going to be tough enough as it is. Avoid Victims completely if you can, and if you can't, urge them to get help. It's not your job to save the
world, keeping yourself safe and happy is enough work.

*In Closing*

This all seems like a lot of work. It is. Some of it sounds awfully scary too. It should. So why bother with this quest at all? Why not just stick "cyber only" in your profile and forget real life BDSM? Why not just drop it all together? I can give you only one good reason; when it is done safely, and it suits your needs, it can be the one of the most profoundly fulfilling experiences in your life! I used to cringe at terms like " sex magic," but now that I know the spells, I'm an unabashed Wizard! Besides, any student of psychology can tell you that denial has its own dangers too. The easy roads are not the ones that lead to interesting places. So arm yourself with
knowledge, find yourself some trustworthy friends to share the journey, and start walking. Just don't forget to bring your Acid Tests too!

*(c)DrSpankenstein@AOL.com*

Dominant Considerations

Choices and Responsibilities
By NCMaster
There is an old saying that goes something like, “If you are going to talk the talk, you got to walk the walk.” There are many in this lifestyle that talk the talk, but how many follow through and walk the walk? Life is always about choices and responsibilities, both in the vanilla world and this lifestyle. The fun parts are always easy. The dominant and submissive alike, enjoy the power exchange during those times when it is fun. The sexual and BDSM interaction framed in the Dominant/submissive power exchange is very erotic and exhilarating. Wearing the fetish attire, attending lifestyle events, interacting with like minded people, all of these things are exciting, invigorating and just plain fun.


However, the real test of character and commitment comes more often away from the crowd. Those times when it is just you alone, or sometimes you and your partner, these are the times when commitment and choices become very real. As a dominant, do you step up and accept the responsibilities that come with being the dominant? Do you do those things that provide nourishment, support, and stability to the relationship? Does your dominance serve as a foundation that holds things together? Do the choices you make show a consistent value and judgment? Does each choice you make, reflect your commitment to the responsibilities a dominant has toward the partner? Do you manage your time and money responsibly? Do you treat those around you with respect and honor? Each individual choice, even the little choices, reflects on your position as dominant. Are you consistent in these decisions and choices and do these choices build character or erode it?

As a submissive, each individual choice you make is a choice of submission. Do you submit to your dominant fully, or just when it is fun? Do you submit to your dominant just when you agree with the things expected or is your submission complete? What is your commitment? Is your submission something you put on display when others are around or is your submission dedicated to the relationship? If you are given assignments that are designed for personal growth and stability of the relationship, do you follow through and do the assignment fully or do you pick and choose parts of the assignment? If a D/s relationship is to be both successful and true to the principles of this lifestyle, the dominant and submissive alike, must view each choice made each day as a measure of their dominance or submission. It is a measure of their commitment to the success of the relationship.


The most meaningful judgment of your personal choices and acceptance of responsibility comes from within. Each of us knows when we choose to do or not to do something whether or not it is the right choice, whether or not it is consistent with what we profess to be. The best judge of our actions quite simply is ourselves. Do you walk the walk?

Slave Petitions

By Master Eso © 2004

In my article “The Process Of Selection”, I have already proposed the similarities between finding or petitioning a Master, and finding or applying for job employment.

In “Slave Petitions”, I will further expounded on the concept of similarities of slave petitions, search for employment, and cover letters or resumes used for finding employment.

Without the consideration of the possibility, but not necessity or requirement of slavery, of romantic involvement with a potential Master, consensual slavery is not only like employment, it is indeed employment, that for most slaves is the biggest and most demanding job they ever held. Any desire of romantic involvement with ones potential Master is an added aspect, but does in no way negate the most applicable and fitting comparison with employment.

Many of the same etiquette, procedures and formalities used for finding employment, should therefore be applicable in finding a suitable Master as well, and that includes the use of common sense.

I am not aware that there is an universal protocol governing, “Slave Petitions”, Begging A Collar”, “Earning A Collar”, or “Offering A Collar”, nor is there an universal protocol governing who should ask who, and I am by no means the inventor of any of this terms, phrases or procedures.

A “Slave Petition” is a term descriptive of all procedures related to a slaves actions in order to find a suitable Master to serve, just as an application process or procedure when trying to find employment.

A “Slave Petition” may or may not start with a “cover letter”, a “resume”, may or may not continue with a “interview”, and may or may not lead to a slave “begging”, “earning”, or being “offered” a Masters collar.

A “Slave Petition” is, what a slave makes of it. The initial part of a “Slave Petition” such as a cover letter, resume or initial interview, is as little binding as sending a job application, cover letter or resume to a potential employer.

Once a stage is reached in which the slave is actually “begging” a Masters collar, or being “offered” a Masters collar, the slave needs to be aware that if a Master accepts a slaves “begging” of his collar, or if the slave accepts a “offered” collar, it was indeed the last free decision a slave will make, until such time that the slave is again set free and released by her Master, or until a slaves or Masters passing on.

As with everything else in life, there are always differing circumstances, different individuals, and differing situations, or special circumstances. Again, as with everything else in life, use your common sense and intuition.

For instance, if the potential Master and the slave already know each other, or have net before, there is no need of for a physical description, or a general introduction and cover letter. If a slave already knows a potential Master is indeed the Master she desires to serve then by all means, include that in your petition. Etc.

It is a common misconception in our lifestyle, that slave’s are to sit and wait for a Master to come around and court them. A misconception so big, that it leaves indeed many slave’s Masterless. It is indeed absolutely encouraged and well within the protocol that slaves initiate contact and may approach suitable and potential Masters and petition for service with them.

Once a slave has established what she has to offer to a Master as well as what she needs and desires in a Master, she is now ready to find and locate a suitable Master and petition for service to a potential Master.

For help with determining a slave’s needs and desires and the kind of Master who might be suitable for a slave please read the article “The Process Of Selection”.

A Slave petition is very similar to a Cover Letter that you would include with a Resume when applying for a job.

There are many websites on the internet that offer help with writing a Cover Letter or Resume, and most of their advise can very well be used and is applicable when writing a Slave Petition.

A Slave Petition should include your general experiences in the lifestyle. How long you have been in the lifestyle, how many Masters you have served, what the lifestyle means to you, etc. If you are a novice, don’t make experiences up, but admit freely and let the potential Master know. Most Masters do not mind training a novice slave.

Use proper address when addressing a potential Master and be most respectful and polite in the way you write your petition.

In general, as honesty is most important in our lifestyle, keep your petition honest, but sell yourself well. Remember you are petitioning to the potential Master because you would like or at least consider serving him. Be humble, but don’t lose the Masters interest by letting him know how unworthy you think you might be of serving him. Leave that judgment up to the Master.

A most important part of a Slave’s Petition is why you wish to serve the potential Master, what your desires are, and what motivates you in being a slave, and what you can offer the Master.

Include your most important characteristics like honesty, loyalty, devoted, caring, loving, obedient, etc. Let the potential Master also know you seek absolute enslavement, submission, etc. But be sure you have your wants and needs balance and know how to differentiate between the two.

Should you have any important restrictions, handicaps, health problems, limitations, or dependents like children living with you, or are able – unable to relocate, you should include that in your petition.

Also special talents that can benefit the Master, like excellent cook, great housekeeper, service-oriented, etc. also what kind of work can or do you do, should you be required to work outside the home.

Include special interests, like spirituality, fishing, reading, etc. especially if those are interests that also hold the potential Masters interest.

Unless you are looking for a commitment that is strictly based on play and scening, I would not go overboard with a list of BDSM related interests like Bondage, Flogging, Nipple Clamps, Being Serviced Orally, etc. Slavery is not based on play, and last not least, you are offering your service to a potential Master, and are not soliciting his services to service you.

I would strongly suggest you include a recent picture of yourself along with your petition.

I think you get the picture and can think of many more things that should find a Masters interest.

Above all, don’t be shy of petitioning once you have located a potential Master that you might want to serve. Don’t be afraid of rejection either. No Master will think badly of you, look down on you, or even laugh at you, for petitioning to him, if he accepts you in his service or not.

A most helpful article that will help many slaves and aspiring slaves to prepare for service to a Master is the article written by J. Mikael Togneri “Awaiting The One”

Once a mutual interest between the Master and the slave has been established, arrangements for a first interview or meeting can be made. An interview might take place via the internet in instant messenger, over the phone, or in person.

Whichever way such first and initial interview or meeting takes place, here are a few pointers and considerations.
I can however not over stress the fact that a slave needs to be aware that in Absolute Slavery, or Absolute and Total Power Exchange, the Master has the right to change, alter, or modify his service requirements and expectations, at any time, for any reason, and at the Masters sole discretion. A Masters values, character, principles, perceptions, etc. are therefore a most important consideration, as they do not change as easily as service requirements or kink.

Don't focus your energy and time on Doms or replies that are rude or stupid, or those completely unqualified. Don't even waste time complaining about it. Focus on what is important. And as you apparently have followed my writings, you should already know what is important.

Asking questions is very important. It will not only give you answers to your concerns, but also show the prospective Master your interest and sincerity. But do not fall into the trap of questioning the prospective Master, interrogate him or try to run the initial
interview. Don't overwhelm the prospective Master with questions either. You can and will learn much about the Master, his values and requirements by listening careful.

Do not focus on what a prospective Master can do for you, but focus on what you as a slave can do for the Master. If it is truly slavery that you need and desire, then being owned, completely, absolutely and unconditional, and given the chance and opportunity to serve and please a good Master, seems not only like a vast improvement and reward over not being owned, but should correspond very much with the detailed list of your needs and desires, that you have made.

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Anyone wishing to use this article on their site or mailing list may do so as long as the article remains unchanged and my name and email address remain on them. Giving credit where it belongs. MasterEso@esodom.com

www.esodom.com